6:00 am- Mr. K starts making noise, the sun is shining, I have no idea what time it is. I check my phone and go back to sleep.
7:00 am- Mr. K is in the bed with me now. I tell him to got get some underwear on please. I fall back asleep.
8:00 am- I hear noise downstairs and realize I should get up and see what Mr. K is up to. I fall back asleep.
8:30 am- With great difficulty I drag myself out of bed, get dressed, brush my teeth. I make my way downstairs for what we like to refer to as "reverse Christmas." Luckily the fridge was locked (tied shut with a rainbow belt), so it has not been raided. Some granola bars have been retrieved from the cupboard and some sugar spilled on the floor. Minimal damage. I am pleased to note that Mr. K does have his underwear on at this point. It is always a 50/50 chance.
8:44 am- Wash hands.
8:45 am- My partner does some bread stuff (I don't even know what exactly- weighing, kneading dough, who knows), I try to make coffee and breakfast for the kids without getting in his way but we all end up getting in each other's way. My partner makes us something with his discard; a crepe, pancake, crumpet...
9:00 am- A lone twin stumbles downstairs asking for cereal.
9:05 am- The other twin enters the kitchen asking for peanut butter on toast and yogurt. He brings with him at least 10 stuffed toys, a book, and a handful of tiny cartoon characters drawn on paper and cut out that he must carry with him always.
9:06 am- Mr K has already grown weary of us all and asks to go outside. I help him get dressed and unlock the back door to the garden.
9:09 am- Wash hands.
9:10 am- I finish up making breakfast for the boys with Nutella toast (or as he calls it, chocolate toast) for Mr. K.
9:15 am- Breakfast and coffee with my partner at which point he is already late for work.
9:20 am- My partner makes the commute to work. It takes him about 10 seconds to go upstairs to his newly slapped together home office, where according to Mr. L, he talks to his friends on his computer all day.
9:30 am- Wipe pee off the bathroom floor. Wash hands.
9:31 am- Mr. K comes in and eats his breakfast. He then goes outside without asking in bare feet, rain or shine, and continues this throughout the day.
9:35 am- Clean up the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, put in a load of laundry. Wash hands.
10:00 am- Stare at my phone.
10:10 am- Gather the boys for piano practice and piano lessons, execute said lessons with a healthy dose of whining.
10:30 am- Make another cup of coffee. Wash hands.
10:34 am- Partner does bread stuff.
10:35 am- Homeschool at the dining table, read and discuss a poem, write in journals, do a page of our maths workbook, practice French and learn some new vocabulary, sometimes read together from our history of the world or famous people books.
11:30 am- Kick the twins outside to play and find K. Attempt a school task with Mr. K.
11:50 am- Clean up.
11:54 am- Partner does bread stuff.
11:55 am- Wipe pee off the bathroom floor. Wash hands.
12:00 pm- Open the fridge and sort out what to make for lunch.
12:01 pm- Frantically search recipes and realize that I don't know what to make for supper either.
12:05 pm- Cook something- eggs/toast/beans/soup/sandwiches/leftovers/baked potatoes/macaroni & cheese/ploughman's/nachos. Wash hands.
12:30 pm- Text to my partner "food," call the children in from outside.
12:40 pm- Eat. Sometimes take my food to a separate location if I cannot bear to hear the chewing or see the people.
1:00 pm- Clean up lunch, fold the laundry hanging from yesterday, hang the new laundry, on an EXCELLENT day put the folded laundry away (has yet only happened once but I have a dream).
1:20 pm- Partner does bread stuff.
1:30 pm- Stare at my phone. Make another coffee. Water the plants. Read. Wipe pee off the bathroom floor. Wash hands.
2:00 pm- Art project or science experiment or baking with the boys. Clean up. Wash hands.
2:30 pm- Attempt a school task with Mr. K. This task will likely go worse than the earlier task.
3:00 pm- Resist the urge to put in earplugs and take a nap. Make another coffee.
3:05 pm- Chores/read/hide in the bathroom/help the children with a million things/write this. Wipe up pee. Wash hands.
4:20 pm- Partner does bread stuff.
4:30 pm- Start cooking supper.
5:00(ish) pm- Eat supper. At some point my partner reappears after his commute down the stairs.
5:31 pm- Time to clean up supper.
6:30 pm- Supper and kitchen are cleaned up, main floor vacuumed, food waste and garbages emptied and taken out.
6:31 pm- Partner does bread stuff.
6:35 pm- Stare at my phone.
6:40 pm- Force the family to go on a walk.
6:50 pm- Still trying to gather everyone.
6:55 pm- Tell Mr. L that he cannot stay at home alone.
7:00 pm- There is some yelling (from me) or stony silence depending on the day and some empty threats from my partner. There may be tears or Mr. K may be yelling in frustration. Maybe all of these.
7:05 pm- Walk around the neighbourhood. If no one is in the the field adjacent, open the gate with the sleeve of my coat, let the children run free. Shout at the children to not touch anything every 2 minutes. When they do touch something tell them to not touch their face every 30 seconds. If they try to climb a tree remind them that we don't want to go to the hospital right now.
7:20 pm- Some people have entered the field with their dogs so we must leave. Likely Mr. G will have pointed and announced the new people and Mr. K may have shouted in protest.
7:45 pm- Arrive home refreshed from our walk. Everyone must wash their hands immediately for 2 Happy Birthdays with hot water.
7:46 pm- Put my coat that I touched a gate with in the laundry.
7:50 pm- An Amazon package arrives so I unbox it immediately, put the box in the recycling, disinfect anything the box touched, wash my hands again.
7:55 pm- Partner does bread stuff.
8:00 pm- Sit on the couch and stare at my phone beside my partner who is sitting beside me on the couch staring at his phone, if it's warm we might sit outside and stare at our phones.
8:30 pm- Think about giving the kids a bath or calling my family.
8:55 pm- Wipe pee off the bathroom floor. Wash hands. Partner does bread stuff.
9:00 pm- Put Mr. G and Mr. L to bed without having given the kids a bath or called my family.
9:30 pm- Mr. K has been in the fridge, we forgot to lock it/tie it shut and he has drunk another bottle of tabasco sauce or helped himself to gochujang which makes him run around the house like the happiest lunatic ever.
10:00 pm- Put Mr. K to bed.
10:05 pm- Stare at my phone/read while partner does bread stuff. At this point he usually makes something with the sourdough discard. A green onion cake? A failed churro?
10:20 pm- I realize that I should be social and force myself to go downstairs. I wipe pee off the bathroom floor. Wash hands.
10:30 pm- Watch a show or two with my partner. Drink a wine. Say that we should go to bed at 11:00 tonight. Try to ignore the fact that all our children are shouting at the top of their lungs in their bedrooms/jumping on beds/laughing maniacally.
11:30 pm- My partner starts watching coffin dance videos on YouTube and now he is as hyper as Mr.K on gochujang. The kids are finally asleep.
12:00 am- I go to bed.
12:01 am- I am asleep, dreaming about doing it all again tomorrow.